So what's the next project?

The month of August might be a bit slow on the renovating front. I'm taking another trip out to LA (I'll certainly send "postcards") to visit my daughter and it's just too flippin' hot outside to think about doing any heavy lifting even if it's indoors.

Phil and I have decided to hit the master bath (literally and figuratively) in September. This will be a total gut job (down to the studs) and undoubtedly will lead to learning through mistakes and possibly a trip to Urgent Care. My initial budget will be $3500 and it will be tight as I think a plumber or two might get involved. This budget will include everything new including a walk-in shower as opposed to shower and tub.

Words cannot describe how much I abhor this bathroom, so I will let the "before" shots do the talking:

It's like walking into the 1980's. UGH!

Double UGH!

Bathroom designs for small baths that I will use as inspiration:

Love the glass door and small hex tile in the shower.
I plan on using subway tile on the walls as well.

In this design, I really like that window in the shower. Hmm possibilities...

I will definitely need a corner bench in the shower or something like that, unless of course
Phil doesn't care if I ever shave my legs! 

Nice paint color and I may even opt for a dark vanity. The marble top is classic.

The final product will be a mixture of different design ideas that will ultimately fit our space, taste and budget. The fun part is coming up with a plan. The hard part is making it happen. 

Greetings from The Garden State! Where's Guido?

 For those of you not familiar with state nicknames, "The Garden State" refers to New Jersey. I have to tell you that when I first met my husband Phil and he told me he was from New Jersey, I had a picture in my head of dreary skies, smoke stacks, and a whole lot of Guidos standing around on street corners. I could not have been more wrong.

Oh sure - is Newark like my original thoughts? Yep. It's dingy and industrial - I'm not sure about the Guidos though. However, the other parts of New Jersey are surprisingly beautiful. I mean, really beautiful.

We are staying with Phil's nephew in a small, shore town called Avon-by-the-Sea (pronounced with a short "a" - not a long "a" like the cosmetic company). For those of you that think life at the shore is like the TV show Jersey Shore, you are sorely mistaken and really should rethink wasting your time on that trash (personal opinion - besides , who has a first name "The" (Situation)??? Ridiculous.)

Avon boardwalk

Avon-by-the-Sea is like a wonderful slice of Americana apple pie complete with a scoop of ice cream. It's a small, idyllic town where the worse crimes inflicted are a pilfered bike or a possible jay walking. It's a town where every other, lovingly restored, early 1900's house proudly flies the American flag, and lawns are manicured with pride allowing the flowers to burst into an artist's palette of color. Children walk to school and visitors and residents stroll down the sidewalks making their pilgrimage to the ocean seeking their little piece of sand and sea. It's a very special place that I'm sure Norman Rockwell would have

Beautifully restored home in Avon

painted.

We also traveled to Phil's niece's house, which is in a more western part of Jersey and just as beautiful only in a different way. Where Avon is a seaside town with the houses taking the space of every parcel of land close to the sea, 

Bucolic backyards in Millstone

Millstone Township has vast, wide open spaces where each house has at least two and one half acres and where wildlife is a part of daily life. This is a community where children play in the open spaces, where you have to search hard to see your neighbor's house from your yard, and where it's likely you have acres of farmland across the street. His niece and her husband have

Not quite what I first imagined

taken up the hobby of bee-keeping and harvest honey and who also look out their back yard to see wild turkeys, foxes, and deer. Not quite the picture television portrays of this topographically diverse state.


Yesterday we traveled to Princeton, home to one of America's premier ivy league universities. It didn't disappoint. I think my IQ grew 20 points just walking around the picturesque campus.

History is palpable as you amble through the open areas and admire the architecturally diverse buildings that are centuries old. It is a university with a 400 year past and some pretty impressive alumni, where higher learning is kicked up a notch (x 10!). This incredible university and the enchanting town of Princeton are further examples of the surprising, under-appreciated beauty in New Jersey.  

Princeton Tigers standing watch over this incredible campus

All the wonderful scenery has been terrific, but truly the best part is the array of aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, and friends with whom food and drink was shared. The setting is just icing on the cake. And...

we have been here for a week and I have not met one Guido and not a Snooki was in sight. The Garden State rocks!

Who does drama best? Streep or the middle school girl?

Sorry Meryl. Middle school girls have you beat - hands down.

Since I made a bit of fun of middle school boys in my last post, I felt it only fair to pick on the girls a bit. Gender equity and all...

This particular excerpt is from the chapter entitled "Drama Queen":

ACT I

Curtain up

In this particular scenario, we’ll call this female student Jessica Itsallaboutme. She arrives at the dance in an outfit that would make her grandmother swoon. She is strutting her stuff because she believes she looks HOT – make up, hair gel and all. Jessica, the unofficial leader of the group of girls, has a crush on Andrew Hornyguy whose alien works overtime during events such as dances. Andrew sees Jessica out of the corner of his eye and starts jokingly hitting and slapping all the boys around him for no apparent reason. Jessica hangs out with a large clump of other moody, PMS-inflicted, females who are giggling and applying their tenth layer of lip gloss. The girls move as a pack whereas, the boys just run from friend to friend making sure they continue to punch and kick each other because, well, they just can’t help it.

Jessica finds out from Sarah Busybody that Andrew has texted Brittany Femfatale that he really wants to go out* with her which, by the way, may or may not be the truth. Telling the truth is a concept sometimes lost on a middle schooler, especially when telling a lie has the potential to start an avalanche of drama.

*For a moment, I need to review what “going out” means in middle school. Trust me – they don’t actually go anywhere. Going out with someone means you “like” them. Many times, while I was chatting with students and they would use that term, I’d purposely ask them, “So, where do you go?” They would just look at me with a perplexed expression, like I had three heads or something. Complete waste of good sarcasm.

Act II

Now the plot thickens. The pack that is friends with Jessica all move to the girls’ restroom while Jessica is crying her eyes out thus making her first attempt at wearing mascara become a total disaster, which makes her cry even harder. It’s a fact that at any given time during a dance 50% of the female population will be in the bathroom either crying, primping, gossiping or, of course, texting. All of Jessica’s friends have decided to hate all of Brittany’s friends and pretty much Andrew has now been pushed out of the whole affair. This has now turned into the War of the GirlWords. When everyone gets home, they all end up texting each other throughout the night which probably involves some profanity and maybe even a threat or two, such as “I’m going to kick her ass at school tomorrow”. Cell phone towers are lit up after middle school dances. This is a known fact.

Act III

Guess who has to sort through this whole mess the next day at school? Yep – the assistant principal. Parents will be calling about the texts and Jessica will continue to wallow in the drama and still remain in the bathroom 50% of the day. Brittany, who will also be crying all day, will be ostracized and, Andrew, god bless his little alien heart, won’t have a clue. After it has taken hours and hours to sort through this mess and all the dust settles, the following day Jessica and Brittany will be best friends and someone else is crying in the bathroom because they have now been pushed out of the pack. Just shoot me now.

Curtain down.

A day in the life of middle school... who needs the theater when you've got a front row seat to drama like this?

Middle School Boys = Alien Invasion?

It's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

With all the recent controversy and confrontations between right and left popping up all over social media I felt it was time for everyone to find something we could all agree on - the craziness of middle school boys. Here is a mini- excerpt from my manuscript Caught in the Middle.

*************

Alien Invasion (the middle school boy)

Before delving into any type of description of middle school boys, it is necessary to understand up front that their minds and bodies are most likely controlled by aliens, which explains the total lack of judgment and restraint displayed at school. I’m pretty sure this alien “coup” theory has been written up in scientific journals. Really – you can check. Thankfully, this condition is temporary.  These aliens inhabit the child’s body at the age of eleven and remain until age fourteen. Once the boy reaches his 15^th birthday, the alien then finds another eleven year old host on which to wreak havoc. Of course I have done my own research and according to my observations the following characteristics are observable in 99.99% of the male population during the middle school years which, as you will see, lends credence to the concept of alien invasion.

In most cases, the task of a boy using the bathroom appropriately was probably learned at the age of three or four and was one of those things that parents could happily check off the list. Parents, I hate to tell you this, but you checked it off too soon. Apparently, in middle school, boys regress in this particular area and the restroom becomes more like a playground as opposed to a place to pee. This phenomenon occurs for multiple reasons:

#1 – There is no adult in the restroom

#2 – There is water in the restroom

#3 – There is paper in the restroom

#4 – See #1

When boys enter the restroom, there seems to be a secret code that is communicated between them telepathically which is additional evidence that the alien theory is alive and well. Usually when a class is taking a restroom break, at least half the boys will come out of the bathroom with water suspiciously splashed all over their clothes. Annoyed, the teacher will then ask the question...

"Why did you splash water on each other?"

Now, this is really a rhetorical question because there is no possible answer, unless the students are honest and say...

"We wanted to act like jerks"  
or  
"The aliens made us do it."

The issue with water is not only limited to splashing it around. It is also used in conjunction with that other material that is available in the restroom. Paper.

Wet toilet paper thrown in a vertical direction makes a unique popcorn –type ceiling. I would know this because every year I have dealt with this issue – multiple times. Personally, I don’t think it’s the boys’ fault. I think they are born with this instinct. Kind of like a dog digging up dirt to cover its poop, boys come out of the womb with the knowledge required and natural ability to throw wet toilet paper up on the ceiling. They should probably add this little known fact as a question on the American Medical Association board exams in the child growth and development section. 

***********

There is much more to this chapter on the sometimes bizarre and mysterious behavior of middle school boys. An entire book could be dedicated to just them. Gotta love 'em - and their aliens!

Who needs Home Goods when we've got our garage?

Despite being over budget even before I was ready for decorating the boys room, we were able to make it work using crap - oops! the word is "treasures",  that were stuffed away in our garage. 

I think my grandsons will be very happy with the results.






Before:

BORING!

After:

For information regarding the hanging initials, see prior post.

Before:

Toy storage was an issue.

After:

Now toy bins are organized, labeled and stored under the beds.

Before:

After:

 The shelves are made from scrap lumber that was cut and painted (I actually learned how to use a table saw) and hung with spray-painted, cheapo brackets. 

The boys room is fairly large so I still needed something for one of the walls and remember there was no money left in the budget. Somewhere hidden in the garage Phil had kept a bulletin board that was in Annamarie's room years ago and also had a collection of old license plates. I found a use for them and a map of Georgia as well.

On the map the boys can place push pins on all the spots
they visit in the state of Georgia.

There are lots of photos in the boys' room including these of their great-grandparents.

Crown molding looks pretty darn good for amateurs!

I love this new window treatment. Perfect!

Disclaimer:
There are some things that we always have around the house that are not included in the expenses:

• White semi gloss paint - a must when you have a house with white trim and doors
• Primer
• White spray paint
• Basic painting supplies - plastic trays, brushes, rollers (small foam rollers too)
• Nail gun brads and finishing nails
• Caulk
• Wood filler
• Handyman husband = priceless!

See below for breakdown of expenses:

Paint and painting supplies - $64
Old English Lemon Oil and Scratch repair oil - $10
Bedding (Target online with 15% discount and free shipping) - $90
Crown molding and corners - $122
Standard pillow and valance (Bed Bath and Beyond w/ coupons) - $24
Initial letters (Michael's with coupon) - $5
Navy Spray paint and brackets - $10
TOTAL = $325.00
$25.00 over budget

On to the next project!

Is necessity the mother of invention?

Yes... I think, maybe so.

My original budget for re-doing my grandsons' room was $300, however the crown molding was more than I expected ($122.00). Well, hell, everything was more than I expected. Between the crown molding, paint and supplies, and the new bedding I was already at $300 (my entire budget). That left me with zilch for decor.

Now, if you have been reading my blog you know that I mention my husband's garage frequently. Let's just say that both cars live in the driveway due to a shortage of space in the 2 car garage.  I normally chastise Phil for saving things that I would normally discard, but this time his pack-rat syndrome paid off. I actually ended up using some things he found in the garage which helped out the budget.

I have no idea why he saved these pieces of particle board...but I'm glad he did!

These were in the box that came with our Sunbrella fabric we bought 5 years ago for our deck furniture cushions.  I really wanted large initial letters (like you see Joanna Gaines use on Fixer Upper) to hang above each of their beds, but once the budget was shot it was out of the question. So with cheap wooden letters from Michael's, some rope Phil had in the shed, and some spray paint we had in the cabinet, I ended up with this...

The room should be done this week. There are still some things like shelving to work on. 

I'll be posting "before and after" pictures soon!

Wonder if Old English works on wrinkles?

A while ago I watched an episode of Rehab Addict (Nicole Curtis is my fave) and she took a buffet left for dead in the trash and revived the piece by rubbing it with lemon oil. I thought I would give that a shot on the Cargo furniture in the boys' room and it actually worked really well. 

Before

After

And then I thought...

If it works this well on wood maybe it would revive my old wrinkly skin! Maybe I should just dip myself in a vat of it. I could see the internet headlines and ads now...

"Retired assistant principal finds cure for wrinkles and you won't believe what it is! She jumps in the vat as a 60 year old and comes out with 30 year old skin! Watch the Dr. Oz show to find out what this miracle cure really is!"

Don't you hate when they tease like that and just don't come out and tell you what the answer is? Or they make it sound like some amazing discovery. For example:

Note that it is INSTANT arm lift

AND... this was a picture from an ad for a supposed cellulite miracle product:

Could this be what every woman is waiting for?

They are all just pitching yet another product that will disappoint and not work because gravity is gravity and fat is fat. Sigh... I think I might have better luck trying the Old English.

Next on the project agenda - paint the boys' room and ceiling. 


Updates:
Gym membership is a no-go for me. Somehow I injured my elbow lifting weights (old tennis elbow injury) and it is just not worth hurting it any more. Continuing the pool workouts and walking. I hated walking on a treadmill anyway - wasn't meant to be an Astro.

No word from any literary agents on my attempt at writing a book (Caught in the Middle). However, I won't give up yet. Someone out there may see the value and market for allowing people to laugh at the craziness of middle school.

I'm currently waiting to hear from the people at HGTV notifying me that I won the SmartHome. I should be getting a call in a month or so. Cash option will be the choice and, of course, I already have plans for all the money. I'm nothing if not optimistic.

Guess this is NOT going to happen