Master Bath or Torture Chamber?

Until about a week ago I would have definitely defined the master bath reno area as a torture chamber. Everything we were working on seemed just too hard, too expensive, too puzzling, or just too exhausting.  However, it's all behind us now, and I'm sure we will continue to DIY. It's kind of like the pain of childbirth. You eventually forget how unbearable it is and then decide to do it again only to realize, while you are in the throes of labor, that you must be crazy.

Phil and I did almost everything ourselves. We did hire an electrician to move the outlets due to the pocket door, a plumber to move the shower drain and piping, and had someone install the shower doors. Other than that - it was all our blood, sweat and tears. I will admit - not everything is perfect and the whole project went over the $4,000 budget (total cost around $5,000) But it really is a total transformation and a plus is that Phil and I are still talking to each other!

Now for the before and after. Let me know how you think we did.

BEFORE:

DURING

AFTER

The floor tiles are a porcelain, look-alike marble tile (the windows and spots on the shower floor are reflections on the glass). 

I chose a larger, matte finish subway tile, with a gray, glass and stone mosaic. The smaller mosaics are much easier for amateurs like me to work with when tiling.

We placed the niche on the back wall so the bottles, etc. would be hidden from view. The silver trim was NOT easy to install but it gives it a finished look. We also used it on the shower curb.

My big splurge that put us way over budget was the vanity.
It's solid wood with a Carrera marble top. I love it!

I carried the same wall color from the bedroom into the bath to give the rooms a flow. Pocket door is working great!

Yes, this is totally staged. However I will say the Prosecco has been emptied with many toasts to home improvement not ending in divorce!

Stay tuned for the next project!

Postcards from L.A.

If you have never had the pleasure of visiting Los Angeles it's almost impossible to explain its quirkiness in understandable terms. Trust me when I say that this city is a "one of a kind" type of place and a collection of contradictions. 

For instance...
Where else can you find a population that refuses to eat red meat, keeps the kale farmers in business, and eats enough quinoa to fill Dodger stadium? And after eating said health food will hop in their luxury car and light up a Marlboro or down prescription anti-anxiety meds with a slug of the finest Pinot.

Where else can you find celebrities cruising around the city in Audi's, Mercedes or BMWs claiming to be environmentalists in the city with the worst air pollution in our nation? Think they would give up the Beemer for one of those cute little Smart Cars? Hmmmmm...don't think so.

Where else can you find endless streets with multi-million dollar homes, yet see a homeless person up close and personal on every street corner?

I'm sure he paid a lot of $$ to get this "look

Where else is it not unusual to pay $350.00 for a haircut, but seeing anyone with hair that is combed is?

Where else is the filth of the city sandwiched between the beauty of the mountains and the majesty of the Pacific coastline?

Nowhere but L.A. 
It's a study in contradictions.

But in spite of all its faults and foibles, it is curiously interesting and always entertaining.

As with any postcard, it is not complete without pictures:

Who goes there?

Or here???

What the...?? What you can't see is the bulge on this mannequin.
Quite impressive.

Read the small print. Very inclusive - something for everyone!

Definitely not a "need to know" statistic!

Who wants to know???

These places are all over the city. 

Sorry to report - no Tom Cruise sightings

So as the sun sets on another day in La-La Land I can honestly say I've had a blast and can't wait to return!

Are we the tortoise in the renovation race?

This is actually one of my favorite Bugs Bunny cartoons. 

Reno IS NOT as fast as television portrays it to be. Let me repeat that... Reno IS NOT as fast as television portrays it to be. 

However, I'm happy to report that the pocket door is in place and working beautifully. This door has been a royal pain in the buttinski. Mostly in Phil's since he was the one trying to install it.

The advertisement for the kits exclaims, "Takes 20 minutes to install!" Au contraire mon frere. This was NOT a twenty minute job but more like a gazillion HOUR job. I'm sure if you were working with new construction and did not have framing, drywall and electrical in the way, twenty minutes MAY be realistic. However, dealing with existing structures ended up being like trying to fit that square peg in the round hole. So, when the door was finally attached to the rollers and slid back and forth for the first time, I let out such a scream I'm sure our neighbors thought Phil and I were either in the throes of passion or that he had finally "done me in" as a result of this reno. Happy to report we're both still standing...barely.

Phil has been the lead carpenter and construction guru up until this point. I have been his assistant, almost like a surgical nurse. I was right by his side ready to hand over his "surgical instruments". "Reciprocating saw - check, drywall screws - check, level - check, measuring tape - check, drill - check, other drill - check, no the other drill! - oops  GEEZ #*&$!#%#!$&# CHECK! " 

Went from this...

to this..

(with lightening speed - well really tortoise speed)

Once the last wall is up and the cement 
board is on the floor, it will be time for me to step up. I will be doing the mudding, taping, sanding, painting and tiling. It's going to take a while, no doubt. 

We all know how the story of the tortoise and hare ends and the wise moral of the story.  Slow and steady right? However, at this point I wouldn't mind rewriting that damn fable and happily announce, "That's all folks!" Right now I think I'll munch on a carrot and channel my innermost Bugs Bunny. 

Standardized Torture

About a year ago I posted an excerpt from my manuscript, "Caught in the Middle", regarding the insanity of standardized testing. Since this is testing season I thought I would post a bit more from that chapter. Although I haven't found a literary agent that appreciates middle school humor, I know my teacher friends definitely will! Hope you enjoy!

...Once a year schools gear up for the monstrous administration of THE TEST. It usually takes approximately five days out of the school calendar not counting the weeks used to review for THE TEST or all the make-ups for kids that were absent during THE TEST because heaven forbid the child was sick with the flu. Say this next line in your head using your most vicious Nazi accent – YOU VILL take ZEE TEST OR ELSE!

Each school has a principal or test coordinator who is responsible for the security and administration of THE TEST. This person turns into a raving lunatic during the five or more days of administration and usually needs serious anti-anxiety drugs and liquor every evening after school.

The pressure put on principals, teachers and students is incredible because the school’s scores are compared to others in the district and state and if the numbers don’t come up as they should – well, you get “special friends” that come to your school and tell you how to conduct your business – the term “friend” being used very loosely.

Here is how the trickledown effect works, or in language we can all understand - how the poo poo rolls downhill:

The state ranks your district and school and publishes the results for the world to see.

The district ranks your school compared to other schools in the district and publishes the results for the world to see.

If the results are not as expected the principal gets called in to his or her supervisor to explain why the students did not perform as expected. After a tense and nerve-wracking meeting with the supervisor, the head principal then looks to the assistant principal in charge of whatever subject area results that sucked to explain why the students did not perform as expected.

The assistant principal, who by now is experiencing a serious sleep disorder, then speaks to the teachers of that subject area and sternly warns them that things need to change and new strategies must be implemented to increase student performance.

The teachers, who are now terrified of receiving poor evaluations

 and have developed eye twitches and rashes of undetermined origin, become crazy teaching machines throwing everything but the kitchen sink into their lessons, and continually tell students that they will need to learn this and that for THE TEST. As a result, by the time THE TEST comes around the students have glazed over eyes and are near comatose. That’s it in a nutshell.

Interestingly, all students take the same test. Here’s a shocker… the students with an IQ of 130 will score better than the student with an IQ of 85. I know -  truly mind-blowing isn’t it?  In fact school systems can now use formulas to PREDICT what a student’s score will most likely be. My questions is – if they can tell what it’s going to be ahead of time why in the hell do students need to bother taking the test? Does anyone else not see this as a colossal waste of time and money??? I'm going to market the t-shirt… "Common sense ain’t common". A money-maker for sure.

I think since every aspect of education and every employee in a school has become a piece of the accountability pie, I’m going to suggest to the school board that we find a way to have parents take a standardized test regarding parenting skills. You know – so we can determine if they need some remediation or if they are doing a bang up job. That way they would be held accountable and we could publish the results for all the world to see. Ground-breaking suggestion, don't you think?

                             * * * * * * * * * * * * 
P.S.  Progress on the master bath is slow. The plumber is coming this week and assisting with installation of the shower pan and shower conversion plumbing. Hopefully, I will have some pictures to post next week. Still no injuries! 

Ever suggest something and then regret it?

Work on the master bath has ground to a halt as we wait for the shower pan to be delivered. Because of structural and plumbing issues we needed to order a very large 48 x 60 pan. I was hoping for a smaller shower in this very small bathroom but...that's how it goes. Renovations mean problem-solving and flexibility, for sure.

Wall for the pocket door

Before we even picked up a crowbar we had many discussions about how we envisioned the space. One idea I mentioned was the possibility of a pocket door to give the illusion of more space. Or if that wasn't possible then installing a medicine cabinet on that wall for more storage. Unbeknownst to me, Phil has been gnawing on this idea of a pocket door from that first conversation and has decided it's something we can't live without. I think I would have gone with just the medicine cabinet. I'm not too proud to admit that I'm a coward!

Our new nemesis

I love Phil's determination and confidence that we can make this happen, but I'm tellin' ya, this is complicated. It involves removing studs, recreating the header above the door, moving electricity, and getting the measurements just perfect. 

No matter how long or how much you look at it...

it's going to be a bear of a project.

Wish us luck - we're going to need it!

It has begun...

Finally, we are underway renovating the master bath.

You know when Chip Gaines from Fixer Upper exclaims, "It's Demo Day!"? Well, in this house we scream, "It's Demo Week!" Unlike the shows on HGTV, we don't have a crew waiting in the wings for the cameras to stop after the stars put down their sledgehammers. So we have to take our time and do it ourselves. Basically, we're just two old people with crowbars.

I have budgeted $4000 but would really like to stay under that amount. However, shisnick happens. For example, we did not figure on replacing the insulation, but there is definitely some mildew in there and we want it all out. We will put up a plastic moisture barrier and install new insulation. More time, more money, but worth it.

We've made some progress and are hopefully ready to start leaving the demo behind and move on to the renovation part. We still need to remove the toilet and the tile on the floor (which is definitely NOT fun or fast).

             

I am so glad to say "bye-bye" to this bathroom

Took out tub area first

Then worked our way around the room taking down the sheet rock

Vanity and sink were removed as well as any insulation with mildew. You can see where the moisture got in by the roof flashing. We've had a new roof installed so hopefully this will not happen again.

We did not get very far in regards to the tile. It's a slow, laborious job with a hammer and chisel, unless you have one of those jackhammer chisels which we don't. And I'm not saying a word to Phil otherwise a jackhammer will end up in our garage!

So far there have been no significant bleeding incidences or trips to the ER. I'm sure it's inevitable, but we will do our best to avoid self-inflicted injury. Stay tuned...

When moving DAY turns into moving WEEK...

Sometimes it felt like this

I recently traveled to California 
to assist my daughter who was moving into a new apartment. This is the first apartment since she started college in which she will live without a roommate. Her own place. It's a big step for sure. And not an easy thing to afford in a pricey place like Los Angeles.

I don't know if any of you have ever helped one of your grown children move, but I have to say it's definitely quite an experience. As we older adults plan a move, we prepare months in advance. Make lists, collect boxes, reserve trucks, find friends to help. Or best case scenario - hire someone to do everything or just stay in the same house for 30 years to avoid having to move.

How people over 35 move

How people under 35 move

In the case of twenty-somethings, I have discovered that moving preparation is highly over-rated to them. In fact, just winging it seems to be the modus- operandi of this particular age group, which in turn, causes my age group to grow more grey hair.

Sorry George. Maybe next time.

We started on a Wednesday and finished on the following Tuesday. Yes, it took that long. Trust me, it's not like we were taking time off to head to Malibu Beach or watch the movie stars and paparazzi on the red carpet at the Oscars, which by the way was walking distance to her place. With her working during the day, me trying to do as much as possible on my own during the day, and both of us working on the move late into the night, we were just too exhausted to even think about fighting the crowds at the Dolby Theater. George Clooney himself couldn't entice me to drag my tired butt down Hollywood Blvd when I was surrounded by chaos in a studio apartment.

When I first walked into the empty, lifeless apartment, I thought to myself - it's old (I mean REALLY old, circa early 1900's), it smells, and it's SMALL (I mean REALLY small). But being the ever optimist I said to my daughter, "I think we can make this work. It will be fabulous." 

Surrounded by a mountain (think Mt. Everest) of clothes and shoes and armed with only a couch, dresser, bookcase, a few mismatched chairs, plus a can of Febreeze, I believe we worked some magic. 

BEFORE

This is her bedroom which is, in reality, a large closet.
She's lucky to have this space in a studio apartment.

Definitely a one-person kitchen

DURING

I'd like to hurt the person who is responsible for IKEA

AFTER

She may be 25 and living independently, but her childhood
stuffed animal is still ever-present.

Curtains and wall art still have to be hung, but thanks to garage sale finds and several torturous trips to IKEA we did it! It's cute, it's clean, and it's functional. 
Daughter is happy. 

And so is Mom.