Middle School Boys = Alien Invasion?

It's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

With all the recent controversy and confrontations between right and left popping up all over social media I felt it was time for everyone to find something we could all agree on - the craziness of middle school boys. Here is a mini- excerpt from my manuscript Caught in the Middle.

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Alien Invasion (the middle school boy)

Before delving into any type of description of middle school boys, it is necessary to understand up front that their minds and bodies are most likely controlled by aliens, which explains the total lack of judgment and restraint displayed at school. I’m pretty sure this alien “coup” theory has been written up in scientific journals. Really – you can check. Thankfully, this condition is temporary.  These aliens inhabit the child’s body at the age of eleven and remain until age fourteen. Once the boy reaches his 15^th birthday, the alien then finds another eleven year old host on which to wreak havoc. Of course I have done my own research and according to my observations the following characteristics are observable in 99.99% of the male population during the middle school years which, as you will see, lends credence to the concept of alien invasion.

In most cases, the task of a boy using the bathroom appropriately was probably learned at the age of three or four and was one of those things that parents could happily check off the list. Parents, I hate to tell you this, but you checked it off too soon. Apparently, in middle school, boys regress in this particular area and the restroom becomes more like a playground as opposed to a place to pee. This phenomenon occurs for multiple reasons:

#1 – There is no adult in the restroom

#2 – There is water in the restroom

#3 – There is paper in the restroom

#4 – See #1

When boys enter the restroom, there seems to be a secret code that is communicated between them telepathically which is additional evidence that the alien theory is alive and well. Usually when a class is taking a restroom break, at least half the boys will come out of the bathroom with water suspiciously splashed all over their clothes. Annoyed, the teacher will then ask the question...

"Why did you splash water on each other?"

Now, this is really a rhetorical question because there is no possible answer, unless the students are honest and say...

"We wanted to act like jerks"  
or  
"The aliens made us do it."

The issue with water is not only limited to splashing it around. It is also used in conjunction with that other material that is available in the restroom. Paper.

Wet toilet paper thrown in a vertical direction makes a unique popcorn –type ceiling. I would know this because every year I have dealt with this issue – multiple times. Personally, I don’t think it’s the boys’ fault. I think they are born with this instinct. Kind of like a dog digging up dirt to cover its poop, boys come out of the womb with the knowledge required and natural ability to throw wet toilet paper up on the ceiling. They should probably add this little known fact as a question on the American Medical Association board exams in the child growth and development section. 

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There is much more to this chapter on the sometimes bizarre and mysterious behavior of middle school boys. An entire book could be dedicated to just them. Gotta love 'em - and their aliens!