Middle School Boys = Alien Invasion?

It's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

With all the recent controversy and confrontations between right and left popping up all over social media I felt it was time for everyone to find something we could all agree on - the craziness of middle school boys. Here is a mini- excerpt from my manuscript Caught in the Middle.

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Alien Invasion (the middle school boy)

Before delving into any type of description of middle school boys, it is necessary to understand up front that their minds and bodies are most likely controlled by aliens, which explains the total lack of judgment and restraint displayed at school. I’m pretty sure this alien “coup” theory has been written up in scientific journals. Really – you can check. Thankfully, this condition is temporary.  These aliens inhabit the child’s body at the age of eleven and remain until age fourteen. Once the boy reaches his 15^th birthday, the alien then finds another eleven year old host on which to wreak havoc. Of course I have done my own research and according to my observations the following characteristics are observable in 99.99% of the male population during the middle school years which, as you will see, lends credence to the concept of alien invasion.

In most cases, the task of a boy using the bathroom appropriately was probably learned at the age of three or four and was one of those things that parents could happily check off the list. Parents, I hate to tell you this, but you checked it off too soon. Apparently, in middle school, boys regress in this particular area and the restroom becomes more like a playground as opposed to a place to pee. This phenomenon occurs for multiple reasons:

#1 – There is no adult in the restroom

#2 – There is water in the restroom

#3 – There is paper in the restroom

#4 – See #1

When boys enter the restroom, there seems to be a secret code that is communicated between them telepathically which is additional evidence that the alien theory is alive and well. Usually when a class is taking a restroom break, at least half the boys will come out of the bathroom with water suspiciously splashed all over their clothes. Annoyed, the teacher will then ask the question...

"Why did you splash water on each other?"

Now, this is really a rhetorical question because there is no possible answer, unless the students are honest and say...

"We wanted to act like jerks"  
or  
"The aliens made us do it."

The issue with water is not only limited to splashing it around. It is also used in conjunction with that other material that is available in the restroom. Paper.

Wet toilet paper thrown in a vertical direction makes a unique popcorn –type ceiling. I would know this because every year I have dealt with this issue – multiple times. Personally, I don’t think it’s the boys’ fault. I think they are born with this instinct. Kind of like a dog digging up dirt to cover its poop, boys come out of the womb with the knowledge required and natural ability to throw wet toilet paper up on the ceiling. They should probably add this little known fact as a question on the American Medical Association board exams in the child growth and development section. 

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There is much more to this chapter on the sometimes bizarre and mysterious behavior of middle school boys. An entire book could be dedicated to just them. Gotta love 'em - and their aliens!

Who needs Home Goods when we've got our garage?

Despite being over budget even before I was ready for decorating the boys room, we were able to make it work using crap - oops! the word is "treasures",  that were stuffed away in our garage. 

I think my grandsons will be very happy with the results.






Before:

BORING!

After:

For information regarding the hanging initials, see prior post.

Before:

Toy storage was an issue.

After:

Now toy bins are organized, labeled and stored under the beds.

Before:

After:

 The shelves are made from scrap lumber that was cut and painted (I actually learned how to use a table saw) and hung with spray-painted, cheapo brackets. 

The boys room is fairly large so I still needed something for one of the walls and remember there was no money left in the budget. Somewhere hidden in the garage Phil had kept a bulletin board that was in Annamarie's room years ago and also had a collection of old license plates. I found a use for them and a map of Georgia as well.

On the map the boys can place push pins on all the spots
they visit in the state of Georgia.

There are lots of photos in the boys' room including these of their great-grandparents.

Crown molding looks pretty darn good for amateurs!

I love this new window treatment. Perfect!

Disclaimer:
There are some things that we always have around the house that are not included in the expenses:

• White semi gloss paint - a must when you have a house with white trim and doors
• Primer
• White spray paint
• Basic painting supplies - plastic trays, brushes, rollers (small foam rollers too)
• Nail gun brads and finishing nails
• Caulk
• Wood filler
• Handyman husband = priceless!

See below for breakdown of expenses:

Paint and painting supplies - $64
Old English Lemon Oil and Scratch repair oil - $10
Bedding (Target online with 15% discount and free shipping) - $90
Crown molding and corners - $122
Standard pillow and valance (Bed Bath and Beyond w/ coupons) - $24
Initial letters (Michael's with coupon) - $5
Navy Spray paint and brackets - $10
TOTAL = $325.00
$25.00 over budget

On to the next project!

Is necessity the mother of invention?

Yes... I think, maybe so.

My original budget for re-doing my grandsons' room was $300, however the crown molding was more than I expected ($122.00). Well, hell, everything was more than I expected. Between the crown molding, paint and supplies, and the new bedding I was already at $300 (my entire budget). That left me with zilch for decor.

Now, if you have been reading my blog you know that I mention my husband's garage frequently. Let's just say that both cars live in the driveway due to a shortage of space in the 2 car garage.  I normally chastise Phil for saving things that I would normally discard, but this time his pack-rat syndrome paid off. I actually ended up using some things he found in the garage which helped out the budget.

I have no idea why he saved these pieces of particle board...but I'm glad he did!

These were in the box that came with our Sunbrella fabric we bought 5 years ago for our deck furniture cushions.  I really wanted large initial letters (like you see Joanna Gaines use on Fixer Upper) to hang above each of their beds, but once the budget was shot it was out of the question. So with cheap wooden letters from Michael's, some rope Phil had in the shed, and some spray paint we had in the cabinet, I ended up with this...

The room should be done this week. There are still some things like shelving to work on. 

I'll be posting "before and after" pictures soon!

Wonder if Old English works on wrinkles?

A while ago I watched an episode of Rehab Addict (Nicole Curtis is my fave) and she took a buffet left for dead in the trash and revived the piece by rubbing it with lemon oil. I thought I would give that a shot on the Cargo furniture in the boys' room and it actually worked really well. 

Before

After

And then I thought...

If it works this well on wood maybe it would revive my old wrinkly skin! Maybe I should just dip myself in a vat of it. I could see the internet headlines and ads now...

"Retired assistant principal finds cure for wrinkles and you won't believe what it is! She jumps in the vat as a 60 year old and comes out with 30 year old skin! Watch the Dr. Oz show to find out what this miracle cure really is!"

Don't you hate when they tease like that and just don't come out and tell you what the answer is? Or they make it sound like some amazing discovery. For example:

Note that it is INSTANT arm lift

AND... this was a picture from an ad for a supposed cellulite miracle product:

Could this be what every woman is waiting for?

They are all just pitching yet another product that will disappoint and not work because gravity is gravity and fat is fat. Sigh... I think I might have better luck trying the Old English.

Next on the project agenda - paint the boys' room and ceiling. 


Updates:
Gym membership is a no-go for me. Somehow I injured my elbow lifting weights (old tennis elbow injury) and it is just not worth hurting it any more. Continuing the pool workouts and walking. I hated walking on a treadmill anyway - wasn't meant to be an Astro.

No word from any literary agents on my attempt at writing a book (Caught in the Middle). However, I won't give up yet. Someone out there may see the value and market for allowing people to laugh at the craziness of middle school.

I'm currently waiting to hear from the people at HGTV notifying me that I won the SmartHome. I should be getting a call in a month or so. Cash option will be the choice and, of course, I already have plans for all the money. I'm nothing if not optimistic.

Guess this is NOT going to happen

Could this be a bad OMEN?

I have decided that my next house project is revamping the bedroom which my grandsons use when they spend the night. It is currently overcrowded with my son's former toys - Legos, G.I Joe vehicles, Micro-machines, Hot Wheels and a sundry other toys from the 90's. I thought once my son outgrew Legos I would never be building

them again, picking them up again, or stepping on them again. But for my grandkids, it's certainly worth it. The room needs to be redesigned more to Kyan and Cole's current age, eight, and less a mish-mash of containers holding all the toys and random posters on the walls.

I think a visit to The Container Store may be a good idea

The project list:

• Clean out closet and paint the interior and trim in the closet (this has to do with the OMEN - keep reading)
• Refurbish the Cargo furniture
• Paint the walls a new color & paint ceiling (Phil's job)
• Install Crown Moulding (uh-oh)
• New bedding and window treatment
• Some innovative storage ideas for all the toys
• Wall decor

Budget: $300

So this week I started with the closet. Seemed simple enough. I took everything out and prepared to paint. Painting the inside seemed to go well and I was pleased at how bright and clean it looked. It was now time for the interior trim and I decided to go ahead and also paint the outside of the bi-fold doors too. I poured the white semi-gloss in the small plastic tray used for the foam rollers which I would eventually use on the outside of the doors. But first I needed a brush to paint the trim on the inside of the closet. I was preparing all this in the garage and planned on making just one trip up to the bedroom. I was carrying the tray full of paint, the brush, the foam roller and a device used to move the carpet from the trim. And therein was the problem. 

While maneuvering everything in my arms, I did not realize that I was spilling paint from the small tray all over the garage floor and my shoe. And because I didn't realize this I proceeded to track said paint all over the garage floor as well. When I discovered what was going on I recited some obscenities silently in my head and began the clean up , which in my little world was on par with the Exxon Valdez oil spill. After I got it all

cleaned up, I gathered all the tools again (which obviously didn't work the first time, but give me an "A" for effort or an "F" for stupidity) and I then proceeded to SPILL IT AGAIN!!! This time it not only went on the floor, but also in the recycling bin! The obscenities in my head graduated to screaming words that, if said out loud, would make Chris Rock blush.

Thankfully, Phil was running errands so I didn't have to listen to a "tsk tsk", or hysterical laughter, or see his eyes rolling in the back of his head. I cowardly left a post-it note on my mess and finished the job I started. Maybe I should leave a post-it for the recycle people among the water and wine bottles.

Hopefully, the remainder of the project will go a bit smoother, but then again crown moulding is involved ...oh lord.