Standardized testing or torture? Tis the season...

Since we are in the thick of testing season I thought sharing an excerpt from Caught in the Middle - chapter entitled Standardized Torture (testing mania)- was appropriate. In this excerpt I may just make a little fun of test security - just a tad mind you...

Test security is taken very seriously. Unfortunately, there was a bit  of a cheating scandal (understatement) in a school district located in the capital of a southern state which I shall not name (Hint: state begins with the letter “G”) and as a result of this debacle, the ante has been upped in regards to preventing any wrongdoing (i.e. cheating) in regards to THE TEST. 

A school district's dream...

If districts could afford armored cars to deliver THE TEST they would be lining up at the dealership to purchase them. As it is now, the documents come to the school in sealed bins and must be signed for in blood by THE TEST coordinator before they release them. Test booklets and answer documents are considered top secret. The concern is someone (I’m not sure who) will get a hold of THE TEST and peek at a test question. I guess the fear is that this lapse in security may result in a nuclear war or possibly Armageddon. Therefore, each day of testing, teachers are required to sign a paper saying they will give up their first born child or at least an appendage if anything happens to the materials. Really. Then once the testing materials are in the teacher’s hands they must take them everywhere with them – yes even to the bathroom- OR keep them under two locks. Sounds ludicrous, but it’s true.

As the number two pencils begin to mark the answer choices and the administration of THE TEST is underway, you would think things would calm down. Nope. Au contraire mon frere. Things are just starting to get interesting, especially in middle school.

Students sometimes have issues (shocker). Take for instance an incident where a student gets a nosebleed in the middle of taking one of the subtests. Walkies-talkies will start going crazy and principals shift into high gear.

Head Principal: Did any blood get on the answer document?

Testing Coordinator: No, the teacher pushed the student out of the way, pulled the document and secured it immediately. Crisis averted. Student continues to test with tissue up nose and tissue box on desk. Only slight bruise on arm from push. Noted on testing log.

Head Principal: Roger that.

Ok I admit – it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I won’t admit it’s THAT far off.

The day of the Math test means kids will be puking all over the
school. I have held more than one students’ head while they vomit

in a trash can in the hallway. The math anxiety kicks into overdrive and all teachers are on the lookout for pea green faces so they can move the documents out of the way before the student blows his or her cookies. The mantra - SAVE THE TEST DOCUMENTS is the cry on math testing day. Because if the student vomits on the answer document, that answer document has to be placed in a plastic bag and sent to the state. I swear – this is the truth. Wouldn’t you love that job? Being the person at the state office opening up all the plastic bags with puke on bubble sheets? Hazardous work to be sure. Serves them right.

Heaven forbid a few students skip a question by mistake and have to erase all their answers and start over. This will be looked at as an anomaly and the teacher will be scrutinized in regards to possibly changing answers to better the results (this actually happened in that southern state capital that I shall not name – think Coca Cola).

Middle school students can be very tricky about cheating, like passing a jacket back and forth with the answers in a sleeve (true story). So teachers are expected to be vigilant and monitor on their feet throughout the test. That’s right – there is no sitting down and grading papers, reading email or posting on Facebook during the endless hours it takes the students to complete THE TEST. I think the district should offer personal trainers prior to THE TEST so teachers can get into shape for this marathon of strolling in between desks. We wouldn’t want any of them keeling over from exhaustion and possibly falling onto an answer document and damaging it. And if the students didn’t really like the teacher, he or she might be laying there unconscious for an undetermined length of time. Hey. It’s middle school.

Bless those testing coordinators! Hang in there - it's almost over.