Are those people on the phone or are they just crazy?

As you may know, I have been mall-walking which has given me the opportunity to make some astute observations. With that in mind, there is something I just have to get off my chest.

You know those earpiece-type phones? They are causing me to become neurotic. Let me explain.

As I walk around the mall I notice that there are quite a few people that are sitting on chairs, couches, and even window shopping who are talking in a very loud, quite animated manner – to themselves. For instance, I noticed this one woman, who was sitting on a couch, having a lively conversation, hands waving, eyebrows twitching as she was looking at what I thought was a person sitting on the couch across from her – and there was no one sitting there!!!! WTF.

I’m not kidding. It appears that they are talking to imaginary friends or in the world of psychiatry it would be known as “hearing voices” - ever see A Beautiful Mind? This seems to have become an affliction of epidemic proportion.

I have tried to convince myself that they are talking into one of those cell phone earpieces. But I now figure it’s safer to just assume that they are crazy and in need of some strong anti-psychotic meds. I could take a chance and move in close to check it out. However, if it turns out NOT to be an earpiece the person may think I’m bothering their imaginary friend or challenging their hallucination and get seriously pissed.  On the other hand, if I go up to a stranger and perhaps move her hair away from her ear to have a peek and discover that there IS an earpiece, I will most likely end up being thrashed by a Michael Kors handbag and then be chased through the food court by a mall cop on a Segway. I’m screwed either way.

So I've decided it’s best that I give these people a very wide berth - like 50 feet. That way if they are certifiable and happen to get angry at the “voice” and decide to throw a shoe at it from The Foot Locker display, I should be safe from getting hit. And if they are not crazy and in fact talking into the earpiece, I will not be able to hear the annoying conversation, which no one should have to listen to anyway. It's a good safety plan.

Who knew the mall could be so dangerous? I think I need to send the bill for my anti-anxiety meds to Bluetooth.