Mall-walking…what’s next for me – shuffleboard?

I am a walker. An avid walker. Mostly because that is really the only form of exercise besides swimming that my artificial hip and creaky old back can take. But even if all my joint and bones were in tip top shape I would still choose to walk. But not on a treadmill. I love being outside in the fresh air. It is invigorating to me. Even when it’s 95 degrees in the summer I trek and sweat and soak up just being out of an enclosed building. I don’t listen to music or walk with a friend. I like the solitude of walking and thinking. My thoughts range from solving current problems to plans for renovations or maybe even a plot of a book or script I will write that will make me a millionaire someday. It’s just me alone with my thoughts.

So part of the plan for my retirement was to make sure a daily walk was on my agenda. And I can proudly say that I have been able to make that commitment a reality. However, today I was faced with a significant challenge. Frigid temperatures.

When I woke up this morning it was 11 degrees! Did someone forget to tell the weather gods this is The South??? Never to be dissuaded, I did the unthinkable. I drove to the mall and became a mall-walker. I became one of the people of whom I have made fun of in my head. I have to say it was enlightening.

As a novice mall-walker I observed the following:

#1. Most mall walkers are grey-haired. And I guess I’m putting myself in that category now too because if it wasn’t for Miss Clairol I would be totally grey.

#2. Some are able to walk briskly, for others it’s more like a hobble. I’m in the briskly category – just sayin’

#3. They carry water bottles with them. This was hysterical to me. I thought, “What – you need hydrating? Like you are going to lose electrolytes?” I was snickering as I left them in the dust.

#4. Mall-walkers acknowledge each other’s’ presence with a silent nod of the head. Like we are some sort of cult or something. Did I just say “we”?

#5. The majority wear white sneakers. Mine are white too. I’m throwing them in the garbage.
#6. Fanny packs. Hundreds of them. In every color of the rainbow. Okay I'm hyperbolizing again but really, they are still alive and kicking and making appearances on the butts or tummies of mall-walkers. Someone should tell these people they went out with the 90's. I kept thinking there must be a kiosk around still selling these things. Speaking of kiosks...

#7. The vulturous kiosk people leave you alone when you are not carrying a purse and walking at a thunderous pace. But do not, I repeat, do not give them one iota of eye contact. If you do, you are doomed. They will latch on to you like a suction cup and follow you until you have to almost swat them away like a fly. That was mean. True – but mean.

Truth be told I didn't mind mall-walking too much. My fingers and nose were not frozen and the stores gave me something to look at. Would I still prefer outside? You betcha. But in a pinch (or deep freeze) I would do it again. And next time I will bring a bottle of water. I was really thirsty when I finished. And maybe I should invest in a fanny-pack. Something in a nice shade of purple.