Crown Moulding...who said we needed this anyway?

Oh that's right. It would be ME! 

I know my readers (all 2 of you) have been waiting with bated breath to hear how the crown moulding installation went in the master bedroom. Well I won’t disappoint. It had the makings of a debacle.

Crown moulding + math challenged amateurs + non-square walls = a fudged up mess

We tried to read and become educated about it – really we did. My husband bought a book entitled Crown Moulding and Trim – Install it Like a Pro! (not making this up). Of course the book was confusing as hell but we did take some tips from it, such as the suggestion to make templates of the corner angles. We had some leftover moulding from another project so we did just that.

Armed with our templates, our plan was to cut a 16 footer on both ends of the moulding and put that across the smaller end of the room. We used the templates as a guide, measured twice, held our breath, brought the blade down and cut the wood.

After having to go back and cut it smaller 2 more times ( our mantra was “better to cut long than short”) we decided to nail the sucker up. Now I know most of you do not know my husband, so when I say that if one or 2 is good then in his mind 30 must be better. He nailed that sucker up there with a nail gun every 8 inches on top AND on the bottom. But I figured – no problem I can fill in the holes and repaint. Easy fix. We had templates –it’s all good.

Now came the real test. Matching the corners with the next piece. I had heard about fake corners that you can buy, but we were hardcore and going for the artisan touch of real 45 degree angles. No cheating for us. No siree bob! Besides, we had templates remember?

As we lifted the moulding that would be at a 90 degree angle to the one already installed (with the gazillion nails in it), we would soon see that the theory of using the templates must be for those people who actually knew what they were doing. It did not fit. Not even close. Undeterred, we decided to try the other side of the wall. We dragged ourselves back to the saw, cut another piece of crown and headed back to what now is becoming the torture chamber instead of the bed chamber. We had templates damn it. Surely it would fit like a puzzle piece. Nope –  a gap the size of the grand canyon. 

Hmmmmm…. After calling a meeting of our two great minds it seemed that possibly there was a reason why people use those pre-made corners. It is a called self- preservation. So…we headed back to the store. We are starting to be like Norm from the old TV show Cheers. They scream our name when we come in. Anyway, we caved in and bought four corner pieces that the molding would slide into. This would give the illusion of a finished corner without the profanity, twelve trips back to the saw and back up the ladder, and might possibly save this marriage.

Now – what to do with the piece that had all those nails in it? Well, we had to pry it off the wall and pull out each of the nails. I was able to salvage it and we could reuse it. Although I did put my husband on a nail diet after that and we went with one nail every couple of feet. Even WITH the pre-made corners, installing crown moulding is not a cinch and not for those faint of heart. However, we completed the project and once again did not shoot each other with the nail gun – although it was tempting.

Two days (total 9 hours) and a lot of caulk and wood filler later, the crown is up and lookin’ good. And as for those templates? As we relaxed our aching back and neck muscles with a glass of wine by the fireplace, we had great joy throwing them into the fire and watching them go up in smoke. I also threw in the book for good measure. Burn baby burn. 

Whoever invented this is a genius!

Before it was ashes.